Chemo 2.1 Done

 A few different feelings and  revelations have come to mind this session of chemo. 

One is that I was ridiculously happy when my blood test showed that my white blood count was high enough to do chemo. Think about it. I got blood taken and they tell me I am healthy enough to allow them to put poison in my body. I know that is so weird, but honestly, I am just so happy that I can get things over with. The sooner I do the treatments the sooner we can stop and my life can begin again.

Another really odd revelation I have had is that I miss people. I've been the odd ball in my Mosely family. I really like my alone time. I do not prefer hugs and touching and being around a ton of people. At least not to have to talk to (lots of people at Disney is fine if I don't have to talk to them or interact with them!). But I am finding that I am getting a little stir crazy being with just me and my family. I want to go to the beach with my friends. I want to drive over the hill and see my students and families. Yes, I have zoom and text and social media. But it is just not the same. 

My puppy is very important. I did not want this girl. I was still mourning Bella and Duke. I hated having to put those puppies down. I also didn't want to go through the hassle of walking, feeding, finding puppy sitters whenever we go on a trip... All the things that go with bringing a furry-baby into the family. But I have realized she is a life line for me. She makes me get up in the morning. I get exercise by having to walk her 2-3 times a day. She is my constant companion. She shows me that I am needed and loved. God knew I needed this girl! 

I need to be outside. This week I was forced to be outside because of kitchen issues (see the next blog post). It has been so warm and lovely. The sounds around me is the best soundtrack ever!! I really do love where I live. It is healing to my soul. 

I've mentioned before that I like my hair. I am sad that it is thinning so much so early. Another very vain thing that I am struggling with is my skin color. By this time in the year I start to get golden tan. I have only had a few burns in my life, otherwise I tan. I hold the tan until around January when I start to get very whit, but then in April the weather turns great and I can tan again. Unfortunately with chemo in your system, you are not able to tan. I sat in the sun for 15 minutes and got burned shoulder and legs. Not a bad burn, luckily Eli came out and told me he thought I looked red. So we moved my swing bench in the shade. Today as I went out to read today I had to cover up and sit in the shade. I still get my beautiful sounds and warmth, but I love being in the sun. 

Finally, I am so happy they made me do a port. I was reading about the chemo-cocktail they give me. One of the meds is very toxic to veins. So if they did it in my arm that vein could collapse at the end of the session. Being in my port that won't happen because that vein is so large! Not only that, but I was watching people walk with their chemo cart and having the tube in their arm. It looked so uncomfortable and cumbersome. They had to reach in odd ways to open the door to the restroom or grab their water. Once the tube is attached to my port and the tube is taped to my shoulder I literally forget about it. It's ugly and we have established that I am much more vain than I ever thought before, but I am actually liking the actual port for it's usefulness. 

Today is the day after my chemo. I haven't felt sick or tired. It's a little weird. I am a little afraid of what that will mean tomorrow, but I did get some laundry and reading done. I also had some lovely time texting with three fantastic friends (one is also my sister). All in all, today was a good day. One more session and then I have another PET scan. I am praying for the improbably, but with God possible, chance that I have killed it all and I am done forever.