Processing

  With each round of chemo I get more and more tired. I was getting concerned that maybe the PET Scan was not accurate. But my nurse explained that chemo is like the battery on the phone. When the phone is brand new it holds a charge for a long time and with each day it holds a little less and less.  With chemo I was able to bounce back and feel normal faster at the beginning. Now that I am on 3.1 (which means #5 visit) I have less bounce back. I have had so many naps the past few weeks. I am fighting headaches more. All of this has caused me to have more anxiousness in my heat.  But I am done with 3.1. I only have 3 more to complete! The next few weeks will be hard, but I will make it. And then I can resupply my battery without the depleting of chemo! 

  I have found a new motto that I am loving! I have made some friends who have also been dealing with cancer. Their cancer is different from mine, but it's still hard. I have also been reading social media more (not much els to do when you're home bound) and am seeing hurting people. They are hurting. I am not worse off than anyone else. I am just different. I am learning compassion through this trial. I hope I can show that to everyone!

 A few weeks ago I got another PET Scan. The results were better than they thought it would be.  The doctor said there were three possible outcomes.  Most improbable (and the one I was hoping for): total healing and no more chemo!  What he hoped: most of the cancer is done and there is only 2 more months of chemo for the remnant. But only 2 more months instead of 4 more! What could be, but least likely: Nothing changed and we need to rethink the level of chemo.  The results? What he hoped! There is very little sign of cancer; just enough to know that we can kill it DEAD with 2 more months. So Chemo 3.1, 3.2, 4.1 and 4.2 are scheduled through to the end of June. I'll have another PET scan in July. And the hope is for a fully clean bill of health by August 1. 

 Each day I lose more and more hair. The more hair I lose the more self conscious I get. My family has reminded me that the thickness of my hair has been a blessing. My hair is super thin, but many women have this normally.   The length of the hair made for quite a mess in my house. The vacuum cleaner took over an hour to detangle my long hair from it. I pulled out long strands from my shower drain that was causing the slow draining water. Since I am not allowed to be around people due to my low white blood count I decided to cut my hair on my own.  Gotta love Youtube tutorials!                                              Unfortunately I have lost a lot more hair since that haircut. I am contemplating cutting again and going much shorter this time. Meanwhile I am wearing a lot of hats. Here's hoping my hair thickens back up after chemo is...

 My fourth visit to the chemo clinic is complete. I got to have a return nurse, Nicole. She is awesome. She is empathetic, and yet so pushes for me to keep working and exercising. Keep moving and staying healthy is the main goal! All the nurses here are awesome, each has their special way of connecting. I am very blessed to be with this group of nurses in my Santa Cruz area!  There is some god news coming up. My white blood count stayed high two sessions in a row, so I won't need that booster shot this week! The shot itself is a shot, not fun but not horrible. However about 5 days later my bones hurt horribly and it's very hard to move peacefully. So I am glad I don't have to have that this session.  I am also at the 1/3 mark. I get to have the PET scan this week. This PET scan will show if there is improvement or not (praying for improvement). It will inform the doctor as to if he needs to keep the chemo-cocktail as is, drop one (he thinks this is most likely) or drop a ...

 OK. So, I already wrote a pot of how bad 2022 really has been. But believe it or not, it's gotten worse. Much worse. On Thursday Rick took advantage of me being at the doctors and not on a meeting in the kitchen area to do the dishes. He's pretty awesome that way! He loaded the dishwasher, washed down the sink and counters and headed back to his "office" to do work.  I came home from my appointment and saw water in the driveway. It was odd because it seemed to be coming from under the house. I walked into the kitchen to find about an inch of standing water. I opened the dishwasher to get it to stop and found the water was coming from a hose under the sink.  "No big deal," thought. "I''l just shut off the valve to that hose." Well, as I went to turn the valve and burned my hand with the hot water the whole valve broke off and now I had a hose flowing at full blast with burning hot water.  At this point I am screaming for Rick to come help m...

 A few different feelings and  revelations have come to mind this session of chemo.  One is that I was ridiculously happy when my blood test showed that my white blood count was high enough to do chemo. Think about it. I got blood taken and they tell me I am healthy enough to allow them to put poison in my body. I know that is so weird, but honestly, I am just so happy that I can get things over with. The sooner I do the treatments the sooner we can stop and my life can begin again. Another really odd revelation I have had is that I miss people. I've been the odd ball in my Mosely family. I really like my alone time. I do not prefer hugs and touching and being around a ton of people. At least not to have to talk to (lots of people at Disney is fine if I don't have to talk to them or interact with them!). But I am finding that I am getting a little stir crazy being with just me and my family. I want to go to the beach with my friends. I want to drive over the hill and see ...