Chemo To Kill First

 Today is Day -2 of stem cell transplant. For 6 days before I get my new stem cells they give me high doses of chemo to kill anything (and everything). This should kill all the remnant spots of my lymphoma. However, it also kills my blood counts. That is why they give me good stem cells after. 

So for the past 4 days I have been hooked up to a machine getting different kinds of chemo. My particular cocktail has the acronym BEAM. 

Day -6 was a drug called Carmustine (BICNU). It was the easiest. It was a one time thing and lasted only a couple of hours. Then I was free to roam the unit or just hang out in my room. 

Days -5, -4, -3, and -2 are for Etoposide and cytarabine. I get them every 12 hours. The Etoposide lasts for 2 hours and the cytarabine lasts for 1 hour. I do them at the same time, so it's really just 2 hours of my life twice a day. The challenge is that is it as 10. Morning 10-12 is fine, but night time 10-12 is hard to get a normal sleep. But then again, with them doing vitals every 4 hours, I am not getting normal sleep anyway. The side effects for these are some of the yucky stuff you have heard about. Eptoside causes nausea/vomiting and hair loss. Cytarabine causes brain fog or even loss of cognition and diarrhea. So far, with the help of medication, I have not had any vomiting or diarrhea. I have the fog and feel slower, but I am still able to complete sentences, tell people information they are asking and I know where I am! So that's good. My head has the tingly feeling I had before when I was losing my hair, so I know that will be happening. Luckily I know what it's like to be bald now so I am not so concerned about that! 

Tomorrow is Day -1. It's called Mephalan. This one I am concerned about. Maybe I am making it worse in my mind like I have so many times before, but it is also the most unexplained to me. These nurses are saying that I might get mouth sours and should chew on ice while it is happening (I think it only is a one time for an hour like Day -6).  But I watched a few YouTube videos and some people are saying that their whole esophagus and stomach were ripped up. They couldn't eat or swallow for days. I don't want that. I will be diligently chewing ice!!! 

Friday is Day 0! This is the day my body starts again. I get my new stem cells and my body can start repairing. I will literally be "born again" as far as my bones and blood are concerned. I will be sick and weak for several days as the new blood cells begin to repair and grow. It can be 12-18 days before I will have strong enough immune system to go home, but I will still be in recovery mode for 30 more days. 


I think about this timeline. In some ways it is a short time line. I mean, in 2 months I am going from having cancer to having whole new blood system and no cancer. However, being in the hospital with just me, my books, a computer and a very small room for 3+ weeks seems like forever. I miss being outside. I miss my husband, son and puppy around me everyday. It's only been 6 days and I am bored and lonely. Hopefully next year when I am free to do whatever I want I will look back on this and think just how fast it all went. Hopefully!    


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